I thought nothing when a kind lady came through the door two and a half days after Alexis was born to take her hearing test while we were both still in the hospital. It was a routine check for all babies. I said a quick prayer and didn't think much of it. It was only until I saw a frown on her face and her changing out a knob to her instrument when I asked what was going on. Alexis had passed the left ear screening test but was not passing the right ear hearing test so she was using a different size ear plug. While I certainly pay attention to anything my children are being tested on, that perked my ears up and I immediately felt a lump in my throat. The knob made no difference, she didn't pass. The lady assured me she would return tomorrow and perhaps she just has fluid in her right ear from the birth. She explained to me it was a common occurrence and not to worry. It was hard not to worry, but having high blood pressure issues and desperately wanting out of the hospital so I could have my whole family together again, I prayed to God for my child to pass her hearing test.
The next day a different lady came into the room. She smiled and took both ear measurements again. Again we had the same result. She could hear out of her left ear but not her right. It certainly was not the news I was expecting. We were told to come in two weeks to the hospital to have it rescreened again. Perhaps she still had fluid in her ear the technician said. I had prayed earlier, but I was certainly starting to pray now.
Two weeks went by in a blur. I was regaining my strength back from giving birth and being incredibly ill with high blood pressure issues. Alexis' Daddy and I took her in for her tests and again she failed the test just like she had two times previously. Both techs were in the room at that time and both tried it to see if one or the other could get a reading. All the while tears were streaming down my face. I had a silent conversation and told God that I need one ear to at least hear my babies when they need me, but if I could give my sweet little baby my right ear so she could have two perfect ears then please take it. I had to remind myself to breathe and not cry too hard. It may sound selfish but the blood pressure problem was still an issue. I didn't want to get worse. I didn't want something to happen to me where I had to go back into the hospital without my baby. We were told to schedule an appointment in about six weeks at a different location and have Alexis screened for an ABR (audio brainstem response test). The name sounded incredibly scary but the very sympathetic technicians both told me it was not invasive at all. I just wanted my baby to hear. Dear God, I just wanted her to hear well.
At that point since it was suppose to be a two hour test and it had to be a completely silent test I had to break down and ask my parents to watch my son. I know its sounds silly, but I didn't want to tell anyone. I did it for various reasons because I didn't have any information to give anybody, there were more tests to come and honestly I just didn't want anyone to ask me about it. I wasn't ashamed. I was in a state of helplessness that I couldn't do anything for her and felt like I somehow was the cause of her inability to hear. Maybe it was something I did while she was in utero. Maybe I didn't drink enough water. Maybe I ran around too much with my son. Maybe I should of ate more vegetables. As much as those thoughts seem ridiculous to some people, as a Mom (at least for me) you experience all sorts of "should I of " or "what if" questions when your baby is less then perfect when they are born.
The time disappeared and it was mid May and time for her to have her ABR test. It was a blessing in some ways because her test was finally here, but sad because the maternity leave was slipping by so quickly and I honestly was afraid of what the test results would be. I had prayed to God with my son (he seems to hear childrens prayers a bit more) every single day. Every moment I had to myself, I prayed for Alexis. I prayed for him to let her hear. Let my sweet girl know the noises around her like birds chirping, wind blowing and gentle melodies I tried to sing to her. The same sort of noises I didn't hear very well when I was a child who had fluid and infections going on in my own ears. I walked in nervously into Prince William Hospital with my daughter and husband by my side. I saw all sorts of advertisements for hearing aids and I did my best to block it all out. I filled out paperwork. I sat in a blur of aggressive foot tapping and trying my best to hold back the tears. It seemed like an eternity before we were called back. Alexis had to be completely quiet for the test and all day I tried in vain to keep her awake so she would nap and was sure to bring her favorite blanket so she could rest while the audiologist performed the test. The test in itself took about and hour and a half. I held my baby in a chair, swaddled in my arms and did not move a muscle. Literally I did not move A MUSCLE. I dared not skew the test in any shape or form as I wanted Alexis to have the most accurate results. It was after praying, tearing up like crazy that the audiologist (she is an angel) looked at me and told me that Alexis was not deaf but she wasn't passing the hearing test. I breathed a sigh of relief but was still extremely worried. If you whispered in her right ear, she would not hear you the audiologist told us. The next test they did a bone ABR test. This test was noninvasive, basically there were the same two pads on her forehead and pads behind each ear with the initial ABR test but this bone ABR included one more pad behind her right ear. This test was to bypass anything in her ear to see if the hearing loss was permanent or temporary. I prayed to God. I shouted in my head for him to hear my prayer. I needed him. I needed my sweet girl to be okay. I needed her to hear. The silence during the test was killing me. Finally, the audiologist looked up at me kindly and said it wasn't permanent.
Thank you God!
You have no idea how wonderful that was to hear. She was going to be okay! We then confirmed with another test that she in fact had fluid in her ears which was preventing her to hear correctly. This was fixable. However, not quite yet. We were told in 4-6 weeks time to come back and check the fluid levels, if they are good we can do the rescreening and if they are bad then we note that and come back in another 4-6 weeks. If those test show any fluids for the third time, then we will need to see an ENT for them to evaluate and figure out what the next step is going to be. Obviously they will not do anything to a baby as young as my little Alexis is, but it doesn't hurt to pick their brain. My son was due for a visit to his ENT as he has more then one ear infection in the past year and we needed to make sure the tubes he did have put in actually came out (its not good to have tubes in too long) and in this visit I can also pick his brain to see what I should expect for Alexis. I know right now we are building a history by going to see the audiologist, but I want to know what I should expect if she doesn't end up passing.
After I left the doctors office I finally felt some of the weight I've been holding on my shoulders for the past two months lift a little. My Alexis could hear. Her ear could be fixed. It is just a matter of time if the fluid drains or does she need extra help from a doctor to do that. I'm thankful to God for hearing my prayers. Obviously I would rather her never suffer hearing loss in any way, but I am so glad that it is possible for her to hear. I'm beyond thankful.
Thank you God. Thank you for letting my baby have the chance to hear.
Alexis is also loving her solids now. She started with rice cereal and quickly graduated to eating her first set of veggies and fruits. So far Alexis has eaten carrots (her first solid meal other than rice), sweet potatoes, peas, apple, pear and banana. She really picked up eating these new foods so easily and its so cute seeing her little mouth open up like a little bird for each bite. Every so often Alexis will surprise us by wanting double or even triple the amount of her usual intake. She certainly a healthy eater!
Alexis certainly has meshed into our family. Its like she has always been here and I can't say enough what a sweet and beautiful little girl she is. She always has a smile for everyone she sees (minus the photographer) and it is so fun seeing her little personality emerging. I love you sweet pea!
Alexis is starting to have nights where she sleeps all night, which her Mom and Dad are REALLY thankful for. She is still drinking four ounces at a time. Her favorite thing right now is to bat at her little toys on her infant seat and grab the rattle on her doll Emily. Alexis also loves to be extremely warm when she sleeps. I almost feel like I'm over dressing her, but she doesn't quite settle if she's feeling cool at all. Who knew I'd be dressing anyone in fleece pajamas in June? She requires it though. Believe me, I've tried the cotton variety but I'd better pair that with a nice warm sleep sack otherwise no one is sleeping.
One highlight of today was that I went to the Dollar Store to get a few items. I bought a few presents for her brother one of which was a Pez dispenser. I didn't get Alexis anything because there was nothing there for her age. Once I picked Ben and her up from school, I told Ben that there were some presents on his seat for him. He looked at them and of course was thrilled to pieces! He then asked what I got for Alexis. I told him I didn't her anything because there just wasn't anything there. Feeling sympathetic to his sister who unknowingly got nothing looked at me, handed his Pez dispenser and said "Mom she needs this." If you know how much Ben LOVES Pez then you would know this is a big deal. I was so proud of Ben for his unselfish act of kindness, but it just goes to show how much he loves and adores his sister. I'm sure in years to come there will be fights here and there, but my prayer and wish is for them to both always see each other as friends as well as siblings. A great bond with his sister has already started and she being the smiley pie girl she is usually has a smile for him each day.
I love the little being she is becoming. I love how sweet she is and how no one but her and her brother can make her Dad grin ear to ear in pure love. I love how she smells and even how she clings to my hair when she gets a good chunk of it. Life in our family wouldn't be the same without her and I am so thankful to God she is in our lives. We love you Alexis!
